Indiana Sen. Dan Coats Tweets Hilariously About Being Banned from Russia

Indiana Sen. Dan Coats has made no friends at the Kremlin, suffice it to say. His desire for sanctions imposed on Russia in light of its manuever to infiltrate Ukraine’s Crimea region actually got him banned from Vladimir Putin’s kingdom land this week. (He did decry Putin’s perceived imperial ambitions.)
President Barack Obama revealed sanctions against Kremlin cronies Putin-appointed officials and others, only to see Russia retaliate with the release of a roster of blackballed Congressional leaders and White House operatives. That list also included Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada), House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), and Sen. Bob Menendez (D-New Jersey), who chairs the Senate’s Foreign Relations Committee. Among Coats’s follies in Putin’s mind, no doubt, was a recent op-ed piece at CNN.com.
Coats formerly served as an ambassador to Germany, where Angela Merkel, Deutschland’s chancellor, likely abides in Putin fatigue up to her eyes as well. Coats is presently a member of the Senate’s Select Committee on Intelligence.
While many political leaders and elected officials have Twitter accounts voiced by staffers—de facto mouthpieces for the digital age—Coats set his feed apart on that medium with his David Letterman–inspired list of things he’s now bound from doing due to the Russian president’s actions.

In the spirit of Hoosier native @Letterman, here are the top 10 things I won’t be able to do since Putin banned me from Russia:
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

10. I won’t be able to complete my granddaughter’s Russian doll collection
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

9. I won’t be able to compare the Bolshoi Opera House with the Palladium in Carmel
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

Too bad. One good palatial arts hub deserves another.

8. I’ll never learn the Russian name for our dog Hoosier
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

Psst. Dan. It’s probably … Hoosier.

7. I won’t be able to ski on the slushy slopes of Sochi
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

Oh, wow. Points for alliteration here, senator. Well done.

6. I won’t be able to buy Marsha a Russian mink coat for Christmas
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

That wouldn’t be very low-key Indianan of you anyway. And you do know the acronym PETA, right?

5. I won’t be able to counsel Duma members on how to say no to a President
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

4. I’ll have to cancel my tennis match with Maria Sharapova
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

As a digital doer who moonlights as a freelance tennis writer, now you’re speaking my language, senator. (Props to any Indy dweller who actually knows who she is. I should buy you a vodka drink.)

3. I won’t be able to compare Russiaville, IN with Russia
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

That’s okay. We still have Warsaw, Indiana, and the same in Poland, not to mention Peru, Mexico City, Atlanta, Monrovia, Morocco, Brazil, and a host of others.

2. I won’t be able to see if borscht really does taste just like pork tenderloin
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

1. Our summer vacation in Siberia is a no go
— Senator Dan Coats (@SenDanCoats) March 21, 2014

 
What’s your favorite of Senator Coats’s witticisms?