Sam Stall

“I grew up in Cincinnati, so I’m not totally unaccustomed to snow. And when it comes to challenging weather, I don’t think anything compares to the summer heat in Alabama.”

“Strip away the badass name and you’ll find a Ford Taurus with beefed-up brakes and suspension.”

“I turned back to the guy and said, in a happy, triumphant voice, ‘It’s a fake!’ I was right, but he wasn’t too happy with me.”

“I don’t know if it’s fun or dangerous or both, but they certainly seem to be having a good time.”

“Even if winter creeper is somehow expunged, plenty of other imported plants are busily stealing sunlight and soil from honest, hardworking, native species.”

In the late ’70s, we were down to about 195,000 barbers nationally. But at the dawn of the new millennium, things turned around. Now there are about 300,000 barbers.

“Try to set up a lemonade stand on park grounds any other day of the year, and you’ll get a lesson not in capitalism but in how hard it is to do anything on government land without filling out lots of forms.”

Pretty soon, they’ll be swooping in for French fries from the Cheesecake Factory patio.

“Union Station is not vacant. Most of it is leased. However, it’s been difficult to find a use that both pays for the building’s upkeep and, perhaps, showcases its unique qualities.”

The feds say a mural technically belongs to the artist for his or her lifetime plus 75 years. But here in the rain-soaked, sun-bleached real world, no outdoor painting survives that long.

Then there’s the house, the most visible manifestation of Steve Hilbert’s megabucks lifestyle. Built over several years by Hilbert and his ex-wife, it embodies the sort of wealth that even some nations would envy.

In theory, pretty much anyone can do the weather. And back in Old Timey Times, pretty much anyone—including David Letterman—did.

Q: Why is “On the Banks of the Wabash, Far Away” the state song instead of “Back Home Again in Indiana”?

The back-and-forth motion necessary to keep those cross-country skis moving will “work your core.” Which is a diplomatic way of saying it makes everything hurt.

“You would think the beasts wouldn’t feel comfortable in an environment that blazes like the Vegas strip.”